#niners for the fucking win

[sp1rit-realm]

i am getting off this stupid website before you swifties make me [redacted] myself

[deklo]

:/

[niners-keepers]

why are the niners getting so much hate this week?? it feels like everyone is rooting for the lions.. i know that they are a good team but imo this is our game to lose 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ the only match up im worried about is mckivitz-hutchinson

[reasonsweweresinging]

49ers trade QB Trey Lance to the Cowboys for a 4th round draft pick. Lance, who was the 49ers first round pick in 2021, had requested a trade after he was informed that Sam Darnold would be the backup quarterback behind Brock Purdy.

IG: profootballfocus (8/25/23)

[nycbabyjoey]

The Big Game (Patreon Preview)

NSFW 18+ Only

Contains ABDL/Piss Play Content

As she grasped the bottles, she heard a chorus of groaning from the living room.

"Why do they always have to cut the camera to this bitch?!" one of Jacob's friends shouted unapologetically. "Just because she's fucking the quarterback!"

"Yeah, stick to making music for preteen girls!" Jacob yelled at the screen.

"Someone should put her back in diapers!" another one suggested. "Then maybe she'd shut the fuck up!"

The room burst into laughter as Megan tottered back towards Jacob with the beers. She could feel the attention of the room turn to her. Now that the football game was in between plays and the boys had already had their fun with the poor singer simply attending the game, Megan was the obvious next target.

The men wolf-whistled and one even shouted "hot damn!" at her. "Hey, Meg!" another teased. "Anyone ever tell you your ass does look fat in that?"

Another hollering of laughter enveloped the living room as Megan handed the two beers to Jacob. While the old Megan would have tore them apart for their awful misogyny, she fought her natural instinct and instead tried to ignore the humiliating mockery. If she said something, Jacob's retaliation would be brutal.

"Here you go, sir," she said, handing Jacob the beers while blocking out the comments directed towards her.

Jacob grabbed one of the bottles and then directed Megan's hand back towards herself with the other bottle in it. "That one's for you."

Megan stammered, "But... but, sir..."

"Hey, everyone!" Jacob announced. "Did y'all know that Megan could down a beer in five seconds back at school? She wants to show y'all she can still do it!"

Megan's face burned red with embarrassment. It was true that she was one of the fastest at chugging beer back in college, but that's not why Jacob had asked her to prove it. She and Jacob both knew that, even without her potty untraining, Megan would urgently need to pee after just one beer. That was the real party trick. Jacob just wanted to make an even bigger fool out of her.

If you want the Chiefs to win the Super Bowl, click here to subscribe to my Patreon. If you want the Niners to win the Super Bowl, click here to subscribe to my Patreon.

[kaminocasey]

Omega Squad Headcanons

A/N: I'm still not convinced I'm great at HCs lol. But here are my inner thoughts for the Omega boys. I miss them always. And love them with my entire heart and soul!

Warnings: 18+ Always. Minors DNI; Some Fluff, some smut. A little mixture.

Niner bought a ring right after your first date. He was in love and prepared to settle down right then and there. 

Atin and Fi gave him so much shit for months. 

When Niner proposed, you obviously said yes. But you also knew because Fi is TERRIBLE at keeping secrets. 

Niner is a “my wife” kind of guy. Talks about you ALL the time. Never shuts up about you. 

(@rebelsriley says: Knows nothing about sex. Doesn’t care. Eager to learn.) 

You take the lead a lot. The first time he saw you fully naked, he nearly cried because he thought you were a literal angel.

Fi, though… He didn’t think he’d ever get to settle down. Honestly, he wasn’t even sure he wanted to settle down until he met you. 

Your ability to crack jokes and keep up with his humor nearly brought him to his knees.

Darman still teases Fi that you’re funnier. 

The first time you ever made him laugh, all three of his brothers kept giving him knowing smirks but he tried his best to ignore them. 

One night, the two of you were sitting on the edge of a building, overlooking Coruscant, one of Fi’s favorite views, only second to you, you were teasing each other and the way you looked at him, gave him courage to finally kiss you. 

“Atin and Darman have a running bet that you wouldn’t ever get the courage to do that.” You look up at him, amused.

“I hope you bet on my side.” He acts scandalized. 

You chuckle and hop up. “I always bet on the winning side.” 

He smirks to himself for a minute and then glances after you. “That means you bet on me, right?” 

You bite your lip with a chuckle as Fi gets up to follow you.

“...Right?” He asks again and you burst into a fit of giggles.  

You and Atin argue a lot. Not in a toxic way. But in a both stubborn kind of way. Atin does mean stubborn in Mando’a, afterall. 

The first time you fuck, it’s in a back alley because he dragged you back there to argue away from the group. 

But you ended up kissing him and he pushed you up against the wall and then deepened the kiss and made you get yourself worked up, grinding on his thigh. 

When he kissed you back, you laughed and said “I knew it.” to which he responded “Shut up. No you did not.” And then fucked you. 

Darman was intimidated by you when he first met you. 

You argued with Atin on his behalf one time and he saw stars in his eyes.

While he can definitely hold his own, he was touched that you came to his defense.

When you finally told him how you felt, he felt like his brain was short circuiting.

“Are… are you sure?” He tilts his head.

“Yes, I’m sure.” You smile at him and his entire body goes warm and fuzzy. “Do… you like me?” 

“I do. Very much.”

TAGS: @twistedstitcher27 @misogirl828 @rebel-finn @rexandechosandwich @madameminor @dumfanting @rain-on-kamino @corona-one @tecker @ladykatakuri @brynhildrmimi @the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond @zoeykallus @maulslittlemeowmeow @littlemousedroid @arctrooper69 @rexxdjarin @padawancat97 @hated-by-me @sleepingsun501 @idledreams @redheadgirl @themcuwriter @ashotofspotchka @sunshinesdaydream @crosshairsimp73 @ariadnes-red-thread @rosmariner @heyitsaloy @starstofillmydream @high-ct5555 @echos-girlfriend @sleepywych @nekotaetae @justanothersadperson93 @aconstructofamind @book-of-baba-fett @chopper-base @palliateclaw @501st-rexster @dead-poolz @nahoney22 @where-is-my-mind-tho @jediknightjana @erishimoon @witching3 @queen-of-many-fandoms @wizardofrozz  @burningfieldof-clover

[lavernius]

Use this ask as a prompt to talk abt Restoration :3 I always like reading your posts w/ your thoughts

Thank you! Heads up for the usual "I'm super RVB critical" disclaimer but here are my assorted thoughts.

RVB: RESTORATION SPOILERS under cut, very rambly, TLDR at the end.

The premise was interesting! I think I (personally) would've appreciated it way more if it had actually followed RVB13 directly, but that's beyond anyone's control. Tucker becoming the Meta is great, it would've been nice to see a real-time progression into it. Kinda sucked that Tucker himself didn't get as much focus as a character, but they probably didn't have time to squeeze in anything past Sigma mentally torturing him and Tucker's passing comments about not wanting to help him.

The animation was okay. I won't flame it because they were probably on a time crunch/low on crew, but some parts of it looked worse than others. Action sequences looked pretty good though.

They were trying to do a "final encore" thing by bringing back some old characters (even as cameos), which is, like. Fun? But I feel like focusing so much on Freelancer seasons (with Niner, Wash's hallucinations, Tex, the Meta) snubbed Chorus, which is fine, but a little sad to have the final season reflect on people from the past but not show any Chorusan past Grey. It's RVB, though, so the cast is way too huge for that shit to work out smoothly anyway.

Sarge's death sucked. I think I laughed through the whole thing because I was so baffled. It was expected, and while the comedy of it all fit him well, I just don't think it was good as like. His last ride, you know? He didn't die a valiant death, the comedy lead up was an "oh god don't do it like THIS please" moment for me. Subversion is fun but falls flatter in the very last installment of a show that's been going on for two decades. I kinda? liked that Grif was mourning it, but because his death was so lackluster the entire "This is the end for me" speech didn't grab me.

Seeing as she's my favorite Blue, I'm very happy they brought Sheila back, but bringing characters back randomly without…much explanation (did they explain that? Maybe I missed it) felt weird to me. I loooved Sheila's bits in the season but it felt like a forced cameo. Niner was similar, even if people wanted her back, but at least she had Sheila to explain her presence. Making FLISS and Sheila the same person was a crazy move I need to write a dissertation on though.

Speaking of feeling forced, half of Grif and Simmons's conversations felt so ingenuine. Like they were shoehorned in to MAKE them bicker and not natural. I knew (the second the season was announced) that they weren't going to do shit for Grimmons, but for ONCE I didn't really find…ANY of their interactions especially riveting. Simmons letting Grif leave was HILARIOUS from a meta standpoint. Physically splitting them up at the end as one last fuck you to the gay people.

Caboose felt better than he does most seasons. Still an ableist mess in some places but I loved his IDGAF attitude. The big Meta fight was just fun for him. He just wanted to win. He was fucking with Lopez on purpose, speaking Spanish and misunderstanding him. He should've been more of a little shit earlier on. His voice acting sounded good! Inflection is always annoying but it felt less��egregious this time?

Donut got fucking robbed?! Kai too?! What was the point of giving them development. There were so many places where Donut would've been great to have in! Throwing the memory unit at Tex as a parallel to their BGC rivalry, helping Wash through his problems, IDK. Sucks.

When the fuck did Doc die. Why him. (< Rhetorical questions.) Wash mental health stuff is awesome, though, I love psychotic Wash, even if the portrayal was a little predictable (to someone who was paying attention. I was thinking about Lopez) and imperfect. I'm kinda glad his issues were focused on without him being a major character. PISSED Carolina only showed up on his behalf and stuck around for his sake, can't a girl live for herself sometimes…

Ummm. Lopez was there. I want to wring him like a wet towel. He's medicated as fuck and got to talk to someone who speaks Spanish…and his WIFE was there…I'm so glad he was having as best a time he could and SOOOO glad they wrote him out early like I anticipated (just personally because I love-hate him, but it was cheap). Go on an adventure with Sheila gayboy. Run away from all of this.

TLDR: Overall, solid 7/10. I went into it expecting a 5-6, but was pleasantly surprised by it overall. It felt VERY forced in a lot of places, the pacing felt bizarre sometimes, I still don't even know where exactly this is placed in the overall timeline (and I don't care), but they did some fun things. I'm so glad it's over I hope I never have to see official RVB content again.

[roseaesynstylae]

Star Wars: Republic Commando: Hard Contact, Chapter 2

"Clone personnel have free will, even if they do follow orders. If they couldn't think for themselves, we'd be better off with droids -- and they're a lot cheaper, too. They have to be able to respond to situations we can't imagine. Will that change them in ways we can't predict? Perhaps. But they have to be mentally equipped to win wars. Now thaw these men out. They have a job to do.

-- Jedi Master Arligan Zey, intelligence officer"

I'm going to add any of these...I'm not sure what these extracts at the beginning of the chapters are properly called, but I'll add them whenever they're interesting.

Zey's comment about the clones reminds me of the line from Andor. "We're cheaper than droids, and easier to replace." The difference here is that while clones are more expensive and harder to replace than droids, they're superior.

And yes, Master Zey, it did change them in unexpected ways.

"It didn't feel so bad to be revived after stasis. He was still a commando. They hadn't reconditioned. That meant -- that meant he'd performed to expected standards at Geonosis. He'd done well. He felt positive."

The implication that "under-performing" clones are brainwashed, at best, is one of the Traviss's additions that I genuinely like, emphasizing the cold detachment of the Kaminoans before they become prominent in the series. It's also just a terrifying idea.

"Darman was careful not to stare -- even though any eye movement was disguised by his helmet -- because Jedi knew things without having to see. His instructors had told him so. Jedi were omniscient, omnipotent, and to be obeyed at all times."

And here we see the official beginning of the Jedi-Bashing count. It's subtler here, but it keeps popping up in ways that are unmistakable in the context of the series' attitude toward the Jedi Order. In multiple cases, such as this one, lines that wouldn't make me bat an eye in a different book, (or more accurately, a different author), but make me grit my teeth here.

The way this specific paragraph is written is very similar to how I'd write a passage from the POV of a character who thinks the antagonist is a good person, or is brainwashed, but I want to make it clear what's really going on. Only in this case, it isn't portraying, say, a Sith cult, but the Jedi Order, which is devoted to helping others, enforcing justice, and studying the Force.

Jedi-Bashing: 1

"'This is your unit of four, then? A squad?' He seemed to be recalling a hurried lesson. 'Almost like a family?'"

This might be a stretch, but I'm not cutting this series an iota of slack when it comes to the Jedi Order. The implication here seems to be "Oh look, the Jedi have no idea what a family is! It's so unnatural and wrong, not like the good, wholesome Mandalorians!" Am I being petty? Maybe. Does Kal Skirata ranting about baby-stealers get really fucking old really fucking fast? Definitely.

Jedi-Bashing: 2

"'My squad called me Atin," the wounded commando said.

Niner glanced at Fi but said nothing. Atin was Mandalorian for 'stubborn.'"

Okay, this bit is just funny.

"Darman -- a soldier able to withstand every privation in the field, and whose greatest fear was to whither from age rather than die in combat -- felt inexplicably uncomfortable at the idea of a Jedi having failings."

Jedi-Bashing: 3

"Etain was neither a natural warrior nor a great charmer, but she was aware of her talent for spotting opportunities. It made up for a lot."

In this book, at least, I really like Etain. She's a good audience surrogate and her headspace is easier to get into than the other three narrators.

Jedi-Bashing: 3

Di'kut Count: 1

Main Post

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Drabble weekend

Jensen and the reader Super Bowl party… Jensen and his gf like opposite teams. (The reader is a KC fan) and just fun banter

drabble weekend

"Oh come on!" you yell at the TV. "What the fuck?!"

"Ready to lose?" Jensen smirks and leans back in his seat.

"You shush. I'm not losing."

"Looks to me you are. All I see is Brock bringing it home for the Niners!" he cheers.

Jensen is a huge 49ers fan while you're rooting for the Chiefs. It's something you often make bets on, and this is the ultimate bet. You look at him and suddenly smirk mischievously.

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure. You see, I have Travis Kelce on my team which means I have Taylor Swift on my team which means I have an army of swifites on my team. He's not only playing for himself and his team, he's playing for them. That's real motivation."

"What the actual fuck?" Jensen chuckles.

"Don't take this away from me." You go back to watching the game, eager to see if the Chiefs are going to win. "Come on, Kelce!"

Jensen shakes his head with a smile and enjoys watching his girlfriend get excited about things like this. Man, he can't wait to see what the rest of his life is going to be like with you.

[jstarr86]

I braided my hair into buns I had different colored pieces red and gold weaved thru it and glitter tossing on some mascara and lip oil. I slipped on my jersey that said our last name on the back Joe and I matching. We also has jackets. Only he had on his custom 49er shoes and no doubt those damn socks. Me I had on my red and black Jordans. I’d never buy these at most forces were the most expensive I bought but Joe nah and he bought us both every pair and me tons of forces and tons of shoes for the kids. He was definitely the spender and the more lavish.

“You look so good aulelei.”

“You too handsome.”

“You ready.”

“Yea.”

“Mmm smell good.”

“Mmm. Baby don’t.”

“You do.” Joe gently grabbed my face kissing me. His other hand slid to my waist pulling me into him before he slid it back caressing my ass as I moaned softly in his mouth causing his grip to tighten. We pulled apart as his phone rang. “Yeah, ok we on the way.” He hung up looking at me. “They downstairs.”

“Ok let’s go.” We headed downstairs meeting with Jon, Trin, Josh, Pam and Mercedes. Theyd met us here in Vegas. Joe and I had flown in for the Mania press conference which was a shit show that I was stuck in the middle of the only positive from that was the mind blowing sex that was a result of a very pissed off husband. I’d talked Joe into checking out tailgating I mean this was the Super Bowl a once in a lifetime thing and his team, we was taking in everything.

I took pictures smiling as he had a good time and the game that was going even better his team was doing really good. I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t have a voice come tomorrow. Joe held my hips holding me from behind. He bent speaking in my ear

“You def getting this Super Bowl championship dick tonight.” He leaned his head up “yessir!” He yelled loudly before he looked down at me winking as I shook my head laughing. If it was up to him and he could make it happen it wouldn’t surprise me if he tried to fuck me on the damn field. We’d done a lot of crazy shit in our relationship. Hell if we was alone in this suite he’d probably find a way to do something. I snagged some food while he chuckled taking a sip of his drink. It was good to see him relaxing, the smile his laughing and being carefree for once and he was kinda cheating on the diet and drinking but one day out of any it was ok.

“What what now it’s my part of the Super Bowl!” Trin yelled as I laughed.

While we was watching the halftime show it def was club vibes and we was def all dancing. I leaned my head back on Joe dancing as he held me in his arms I was singing but I could tell he was too by the way his chest was vibrating against my back. Joe leaned his head into my neck his chin on my shoulder singing U got it bad as we danced together.

So far the Niners were killing it. 6 months ago when we were on ESPN and he said it be the Chiefs and the Niners although I’d agreed with the Chiefs I didn’t with this but my man had called it to a T and he was close to being right and the Niners winning a championship for the first time in 20 years. It was down to the wire the Chiefs having the ball with 10 seconds left and Kelce’s fine little self killed it they were in field goal range and finally decided to go for the field goal and send it to overtime. The guys nervous but they still had a shot but football that overtime used sudden death whoever scored first won but they recently changed it and now the other team had a shot and while the Niners hit a field goal the Chiefs had the chance to score.

“Don’t fuckin blow it it come on yall!” I smiled at my husband as he yelled. I’d never seen him more happy and hyped. This was probably in his top five of life

experiences minus our wedding kids who I’d group collectively and a mania. I watched as my husbands team heartbrokenly lost in a hard fought game that was close and good as fuck but he was pissed. It hurt seeing him go from so happy and elated to sad if I could describe the look on his face, it broke my heart. That last minute touchdown was it, the Chiefs became the first team in 20 years to get back to back championships.

We finally after what felt like forever made our way out of the arena and into a limo. We’d split from everyone else and I watched as he angrily leaned back into his seat.

“Aye least yall made it further than dem boys did.”

“Aulelei no offense the Cowboys choke post season.”

“Hey I’m tryin to console you and you talk shit.”

“It’s the truth.”

“Shh and I’m sorry they lost really thought they had it.”

“Me too that’s why I hate OT and of all nights for the new rule to take effect.”

“I know your teams expense.”

“Exactly.”

“It was a good game though.”

“It was we almost had they asses we def gettin it next year.” He was still pouting as I rubbed his face.

“My big bad husband upset.”

“Yeah.” I leaned up straddling his waist as he looked over my shoulder. “Least the partition is already closed.”

“Joe.” I giggled hitting his arm. As he brought up the one time we fooled around in a limo. We made out a bit his hands resting on my ass that he squeezed. I moved when the car stopped and took his hand as he helped me out and we made our way back into the hotel. I quickly grabbed pajamas and discarded my clothes going to hit a shower until my husbands hand stopped me

“What.”

“You ain’t gonna need that for awhile.”

“Why’s that… tama.” I asked meeting his eyes as the darkened a grunt leaving his lips.

“You know why, especially with that word.”

“Na’o le fue ia te a’u tama” I replied smirking as his eyes darkened more and his chest rumbled. He reached forward grabbing me as he passionately kissed me before lifting me into his arms.

“Be careful what you ask for aulelei.”

“Mmm don’t make promises you can’t keep.” I gasped a moan as he slid inside me I wasn’t expecting him to do that so quickly.

“Talk that shit now.”

“Mm fuck.” I muttered as he grabbed my hands pinning them above my head. The way he could hold me down with one hand while absolutely wrecking me with pleasure never ceases to amaze and turn me on. The duality of the sweet love of Joe and the rough dominance I still didn’t know which was better although right now angry Joe was amazing.

“You feel good, I’m gonna make you cum aren’t I.”

“Joe.”

“Jayla.” He grunted slamming into me rougher as I fell over the edge hands desperately trying to cling to his wrist. He lifted one of my legs into his arm making his stroke hit different as he slammed into my gspot

“Oh my god.”

“Nah just your chief.”

“Shut up.”

“Lo’u masiofo likes it huh.”

“Yes.” I moaned out. Joe chuckled knowing exactly what he was doing. He knew it and his fan girls were welcome. He’d posted some things here or there about him and usually they’d say he saw and knew and he did. He liked going on different sites seeing what was being said about him. The vulgarity of some of it made me laugh cause I felt that and he was my husband.

“ma e talia a'u e lo'u masiofo.”

“Joe.” I moaned out voice cracking as he made me cum again. His grunts in my ear as he thrust four more times before stilling. “God if that’s how you lose ima need them to win next season.” I muttered as he laughed pulling me into his chest a kiss pressing to the top of my head.

“They win you won’t be walking for two weeks.”

“Two.”

“Yeah cause we’d be partying and the parade and in between all of it your getting this dick let them win.” I kissed his chest as I relaxed letting his heartbeat lure me to a much needed sleep.

[anadiasmount]

niners win in my heart. fuck those redass cheifs and calls.

[the-log-ffl]

S10:W9

…and the world keeps turning.  Remember gents, whether you are celebrating or sulking, keep your heads held high. Literally try to be the change you wish to see in the world. I want this world to be peaceful, happy, funny, healthy and clean, so that is what I will try to be. How would you feel if you had no phone in your pocket or TV at your pad? If all you had to focus on when you woke up everyday was you and yours? You didn’t burden yourself with issues from thousands of miles away and there were no talking heads telling you what and who to hate. If we focus on our intimate communities we can prosper and thrive gentlemen, and there is no more intimate community than that of the LOG.

Week 10 Predictions

Embarcadero Burd Turds @ Odusty Beckham Jr.

I’m not sure if anyone has picked up on this, but I never bet against the Embarcadero Burd Turds.  ODBJ slip slip slippin and continues to slip in week 10. Turds fly 125-101

DISCIPLINE = FREEDOM @ Spirit Halloween Store

You know how I feel about seasonal halloween stores, they’re great in short bursts but never make it long term. Funny how Spirit got wins the week of Halloween and the week after, just like in real life, I swear I’m always right and nobody listens to me. Not sure how the discipline is going in the other camp either, but numbers don’t lie. 3 in a row is called a winning streak, and you don’t fuck with a winning streak. DISCIPLINE buys everything, even the shelves and sends Spirit packing 108-96

The Papi Gringos @ Redfield 49Knerrs

You might think that the gringos desperately need a win due to the fact they have dropped 2 in a row. Well, Bradner hasn’t one in over a month and this is the week that changes. Redfield finds a way and sends the Papi to a reeducation camp 115-109

The Raj Hotel @ Sordidus

The Raj Hotel lost a heartbreaker last week. The ESPN projections played sick games with his soul. Well this is the week he gets his groove back and his niners back from a bye. The Raj Hotel cleans the cum stains off the wall and finally passes the blacklight test. No longer sordidus  106-101

Sarnia Slut Slayers @ Big Sur Buckle Nuggets

Is peterson alive? Does he still play fantasy football with us? Has he ever read this far down? Sluts win. 120-89

Week 9 Results: (4-1 16-9 Overall)

Turds over Raj 99-88 111-108

Nugs over Spirit 111-87

Sordidus over Redfield 148-119 134-80

DISCIPLINE over ODBJ 122-120 125-99

Sluts over Papis 108-92 113-106

Kick back with a microdose boys, a heavy microdose.

LOG 4 life!

~mish

LOG WEEKLY DICK SIZE RECAP

Roman Reed has the BIG DICK OF THE WEEK: 153 Points

Brad Knerr has the small dick of the week, again: 80 Points

Shawn House has THE THROBBER - 190.64 (S9:W3)

Ethan App has the STINKY DICK - 48.14 Points (S10:W7)

[pint4punt]

5 Teams That Might Prevent the Inevitable Threepeat

At long last the worst part of the sports calendar is finally behind us! No longer do we have to desperately suckle at the teat of baseball while we wait for the real action to begin. That’s the good news. The bad news? It’s still the Chiefs’ world and we’re all living in it.

After losing to the Raiders on Christmas Day last year, Kansas City finally looked vulnerable. The offense was broken, MVS needed body guards just to go to the store, and their first ever road trip in the postseason was looming. But any doubts of how inevitable Mahomes truly is at this point have surely been quelled by this latest run as he led the Chiefs through a road trip from hell, going through the Bills and Ravens in their houses, before beating arguably the most complete Niners’ team in the last 30 years in their division rivals’ home stadium to earn the third ring in his already legendary career.

So if a Chiefs team with as many weaknesses as this one had could go through that brutal of a postseason lineup and still win it all, what team can possibly dethrone the Back-to-Back champs after they addressed their offensive deficiencies by drafting the fastest player in NFL Combine history? Well the god honest truth is, probably none! But who are we to tell you watching this season is a complete waste of time for 31 fanbases! For those of you getting high off hopium like us, here’s 5 teams that MIGHT have a shot at preventing the first ever threepeat.

Pittsburgh Steelers

Don’t be so quick to give up on Russ and Justin Fields in an Arthur Smith offense could be a game chang……we’re just fucking with you lol

Houston Texans

As unbelievable as Mahomes’ debut as the starter in his second year was, C.J. Stroud had one of the greatest rookie seasons of all time. And Houston has done everything possible to ensure he doesn’t experience a Sophomore slump with key additions such as Stefon Diggs, Joe Mixon, and even his college tight end in Cade Stover along with returning stars in Nico Collins and Tank Dell.

Pairing Danielle Hunter with Defensive Rookie of the year Will Anderson should also give Demeco Ryans all the firepower he needs to put opposing QBs’ asses in the turf as well. The real question is whether or not they’re ready to swim in the deep end of the AFC pool. If so, Stroud just might establish himself as the new sheriff in town and Diggs might not have to watch the Chiefs celebrate from the sideline for once.

Cincinnati Bengals

If there has been one boogeyman in Patrick Mahomes’ career, it’s Joe Burrow. Under Burrow, the Bengals have gone 3-1 against Kansas City, with the one loss coming in a highly controversial AFC Championship game where the Chiefs kept getting mulligans on 3rd & 9 due to officiating fuckery.

The Bengals missed the playoffs last year at least in part due to injuries and will be without now former Offensive Coordinator Brian Callahan for the first time in Joe Burrow’s career. There’s also the ongoing contractual issues with Cincinnati’s favorite super weapon Ja’Marr Chase that may result in him missing games. Time will tell what kind of impact all of this will have, but at the very least the real Slim Shady appears to have stood back up.

Detroit Lions

Legitimately, is there a more fun team in football than the Detroit Lions right now? The perfect meld of old school ground and pound, new age passing concepts, and a Head Coach jacked on borderline lethal levels of espresso. While it’s easy to point out that the Lions already beat the back-to-back champs to kick start the 2023 season (in their house no less), it’s important to note that two of the Chiefs most important players in Travis Kelce and Chris Jones missed that game. The latter of which, doesn’t get nearly enough credit for both of the Chief’s Super Bowl wins over another team featured in this article (oops spoiler alert).

What Detroit…..devout? Dedicated? Whatever the fuck their fans call themselves, should focus on is how much better they got throughout the year and how they had the Chiefs’ eventual Super Bowl opponent (spoiler spoiler spoiler!!!!) on the ropes until a miraculous halftime comeback for the ages. With an offensive line that imposes its will in a manner that would make Weinstein blush, a dynamic duo at RB in Gibbs & Montgomery, an alpha Receiver & an end-zone magnet Tight End, a force off the edge who finished 2nd in QB pressures last year (101) and a QB who can reliably orchestrate it all, the Lions have all the ingredients to put a dent in the Kansas City dynasty.

San Francisco 49ers

Pure seething hatred alone might will this victory into existence. Seriously, what did Kyle Shanahan do to the scriptwriters to make them hate him so much. Popping Dre Greenlaw’s Achilles in a Super Bowl this team was dominating early on? A muffed punt? And let’s not forget the overtime debacle, that added a nice twist from the last time Mahomes & Co ripped the Faithfuls’ hearts out of their chest. Tinfoil hats aside, this team’s sexual frustration has to make Tiger Woods look celibate.

All of that said, why include them as a threat to a Quarterback they’ve literally never beaten? Well for starters, Vegas has them neck and neck with Kansas City to win it all and we all know how much they hate losing (right right off with the tinfoil hat). But more importantly Brock Purdy, every analysts’ favorite punching bag, took Mahomes and this dynastic roster to overtime on the biggest stage in his first full season as a starter. San Francisco just has to hope him having a proper offseason is enough to overcome all the Brandon Aiyuk and Trent Williams drama and they just might have a shot at finally getting out from Andy Reid’s shadow. Week 7 will offer a nice preview of this one.

Baltimore Ravens

Ah yes, it all comes down to the the matchup that will kick start the whole 2024 ride in approximately 3 hours from the time of this writing. Baltimore has been the standard of the NFL from the Front Office down in the Lamar Jackson era. Yet despite being the darlings of the analytics community in that time, they’ve only won one of five matchups against Mahomes’ Chiefs. Which begs the question is this really a rivalry?

Despite being NFL Royalty against the rest of the league, Baltimore needs something more to gain the edge over the Chiefs and maybe just maybe, that something is a King.

After helping end Baltimore’s season just a few short years ago, Derrick Henry is now hoping to help the Ravens extend their season one more game than last year and cement the legacy of his reign with a Lombardi Trophy. If Henry has lost a step, it’s hard to envision this team toppling Kansas City with key losses to their Defense and O-Line. But if he can be the transformational piece the Ravens signed him to be, they just might have the best chance at ending the dynasty…..well maybe for a year.

[e-the-village-cryptid]

Ferrix Playlist!

"Andor Main Theme - Episode 3" by Nicholas Britell

"Me and Mine" by The Brothers Bright: I will burn your kingdom down If you try to conquer me and mine

"The Workers Song" by The Longest Johns: We're the first ones to starve The first ones to die The first ones to reach for that pie in the sky And we're always the last When the cream is shared out Cause the worker is working when the fat cat's about

"Family" by Mother Mother: They is my family, they is my family They might be crazy, but they is my family You can't get to them unless you get through me, yeah You fuck with them, you fuck with me

"I Go To Work" by Delta Rae: I go to work, every day to be worthy The ground on which I stand I go to work, can't nobody can hurt me This hammer in my hand

"Nico and the Niners" by twenty one pilots: Start a concert, a complete diversion Start a mob, but you can be quite certain We'll win but not everyone will get out

"The Chain" by Fleetwood Mac: Chain, keep us together (Running in the shadows)

"Forming Up/Unto Stone We Are" — Ferrix funeral march, by Nicholas Britell

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Super 098

This episode: we talk about Universe 9.... while we still can!

So we’re only a minute or so into the Tournament of Power, and already a bunch of guys have decided to gang up on Goku.  This was something Universe 9 really seemed to want to do back at the Zeno Expo.  They couldn’t defeat Goku one-on-one, and they couldn’t do anything about the Zenos ruling that the losing universes get erased.  But they could make Goku look like the villain of the whole thing, so that no matter what happened, everyone would target Goku and Universe 7 first. 

Which is less strategy and more... spite, really.  Eliminating U7 doesn’t actually save U9, since they still have to survive the other six teams.   It’s sort of like how they plotted to assassinate Frieza a few episodes back.  The big theme with Universe 9 is that they’re craven and desperate, and they’ll do just about anything to win... and then they lose anyway.  I suppose that’s fitting, since the Grand Minister said theirs was the lowest score for average mortal power.  The Zenos were planning to erase eight universes, but if he could only pick one, it would be Universe 9. 

We already know the Danger Trio or whatever they’re called.  Basil does kicks and steroids, Bergamo uses his opponents’ own power to defeat them, and Lavendar has poison, which would be extremely dangerous in a match like this where there’s no way to use an antidote or other healing item. 

But Goku saw all these guys at the Zeno Expo, and he‘s got them all scouted.  He uses a ki barrier to protect himself from Lavender’s poison and goes on the offensive.

The U9 team also has Roselle, one of the handful of fighters with a natural flying ability.  Except he gets shot down by Frieza in this episode, and Frieza starts torturing him for the rest of the runtime.

Goku might be in trouble while he’s surrounded by the Danger Trio, but then Vegeta jumps in to rescue him, and they take on all the Niners by themselves. Roh gets cocky and sends all his available fighters to take out Goku and Vegeta, which make it eight-on-two, but...

Vegeta doesn’t care.  He jumps right in the middle of the Danger Trio, unconcerned with their Dangers’ Triangle combo or whatever it is.  Also, Goku goes after one of them, which disrupts their move.

Oh, this lady is named Hop.  She’s some sort of Cat Lady, because Universe 9 is really front-loaded with furries. 

Also, Hyssop (the big blue guy there) has ice powers or something, so he freezes Vegeta’s arm in ice. 

So Hop and Lavender think they have Vegeta cornered, but he ducks out of the way when they try to attack him and they wind up hitting each other.

That distraction allows Goku to take out these two dudes, Chappil and Comfrey.  Chappi has iron skin, though I’m not sure if he means literally or figuratively.  Comfrey... I don’t think he has a gimmick.  He just looks like the Gillman from Creature of the Black Lagoon. 

So they both get eliminated, and then Vegeta eliminates Hop.  With authority!

Uh... who have we got left?  Uh, this red dude is Oregano, and he has... uh... webbing.   That’s it. 

Yeah, so Vegeta goes Super Saiyan and eliminates Oregano and Hyssop.  For those of you keeping score, Universe 9 has just lost five fighters in a matter of seconds....

Well, actually they lost six fighters, because Sorrel got eliminated off-screen.  Okay, so Sorrel’s kind of my favorite one, because she has a really cute design, and I kept forgetting which team she was on, and why I couldn’t remember her doing anything in this tournament.  Well, that’s because she’s on this team and she got eliminated off-screen two episodes into this arc.

They cut to 18 after Sorrel explains that she was eliminated, so I’m left to assume 18 did the honors.  Anyway, my big gripe with Sorrel is that she’s a bunny rabbit, and there’s someone else on the team named Hop, which is what they should have named the bunny rabbit character, but they gave it to the cat lady instead.  Fuck Universe 9 forever.

Well, we still have Roselle, right?  No, because he was so desperate to escape Frieza that he jumped out of the ring and eliminated himself.  Roselle is relieved to be safe on the bleachers, until Sidra reminds him that he’ll die anyway if they lose the tournament.  Ha ha.  “If” they lose.

Let’s pause here to savor Roselle’s existential dread.  His life has come down to a choice between three dooms.  He can stay in the ring and get tortured by Frieza, or he can lose the tournament and get erased from existence, or a miracle happens and he gets to go back to Universe 9, which seems to be a total dump from the way everyone talks about it. 

So it’s down to the Danger Trio, who find themselves pushed back to the edge of the stage, and they decide to put everything they have into a combination ki blast.  I forget what they called it.  Danger Dipshit Blast, maybe.  Trio Triangle Taser?  Who cares?

So Goku and Vegeta do a Final Flash/Kamehameha combo and they turn Super Saiyan Blue while they do it, and gee, I wonder who comes out ahead on this exchange?

Yeah, the Danger Trio get eliminated, so that’s it for the Universe 9 team. 

The Zenos erase Universe 9 right then and there.  And as the universe itself is wiped out, so too are all of the fighters and gods representing U9. 

All that remains is Mohito, the guide angel assigned to Universe 9.  Since the angels were exempt from erasure, Mohito is all that’s left of the Ninth Universe.

He seems more relieved than sad.

So where did Universe 9 go wrong?  Let’s try to figure that out while we rock out.

Like the protagonist of the song “Detroit Rock City”, Universe 9′s team got in too big a hurry and ended up taking big sloppy chances.  Roh sicced as many fighters as he could on Goku, hoping that he could eliminate Goku quickly and build momentum.   But even if that worked, would it have made that big a difference?  They still would have had a long road ahead. 

As it was, Goku proved to be more than those eight fighters could  handle, and then Vegeta and 18 joined in to help.  Did they just think Goku’s own team would leave him out to dry?  Actually, maybe they did expect it to turn out that way, since the U9 team failed to support Roselle when he needed it badly.   I get the impression they’re not big on teamwork in Universe 9. 

And the whole gambit went wrong so quickly, there wasn’t even a chance for Roh to call it off.  They really should have scattered when Vegeta showed up to help Goku, but by the time they realized their mistake it was too late. 

From a storytelling perspective, wiping out Universe 9 is an awesome story beat, because it demonstrates early on that the Zenos weren’t kidding about erasing the losing universes.  They’re not even going to wait until the tournament ends to do it.  They start erasing losers as soon as posssible.  And this forces the remaining competitors to think twice about running wild in the ring.  If they pull a grandstand play like Universe 9 did, then they might very well meet the same fate. 

Also, it’s just cool to have Universe 7 sweep an entire team in one episode like that.  It sends a powerful message that Goku and Vegeta are not to be trifled with.  Challenge them at your peril.  And 18 and Frieza are nothing to sneeze at either.  If you try to push Universe 7 around, you will find yourself pushed out of the ring. 

[waywardstoryenthusiast]

Lair of Greivous

I can't help but find it funny how both Nahdar and the Commander are so eager to leap in.

'Scans are negative.' Immediately something screeches in the darkness 'Well that was something.' Okay, I'm worried, but that was objectively hilarious.

Yeah, figured that Gunray wasn't there, since they weren't showing him. I do love Kit casually roasting him though.

I also like Kit chiding Nahdar for lashing out at the droid. It wasn't a big thing, but the droid was already down, it wasn't a threat when Nahdar lashed out at it. It may not seem like a huge issue, but it is something one should avoid doing in case it becomes a habit. I don't know if I'm making sense, but I appreciate the moment.

Oof. The sight of those trophies (inluding Padawan braids?! I know Padawans can range in age from early teens to young adults, but still. That's fucked up.) I don't blame Nahdar for being upset. (Even if I already know what's coming for him. Even if I can guess what will happen when he allows his feeling to overwhelm him.)

I do like the set up here, because it is very indicative (to me) of Palpatine's prime strategy. He has two groups that he doesn't like: the jedi, since he hates the jedi and wants them all dead, and Grievous, who he feels is failing and not adequately killing enough jedi. And since the Sith's whole thing is backstabbing/tossing people away once they're no longer of use or displease them, he wants him gone. So he sets up a situation to pit them against one another. If Grievous wins, that's two more dead jedi one of whom is a Council member (I think? When did Kit end up on the Council?), along with several clones. If the jedi win, they will either capture Greivous, if possible, at which point Palpatine will either arrange an 'accident' to take him out, or arrange for him to break out in a way/place where he will cause the most damage. If they jedi can't take him alive, they will have to kill him, which also plays into Palpatines plans. It's interesting.

Shit, Greivous just smacked Kit with a trooper! Poor trooper. That was a good plan though, they almost had him. (Too bad they can't catch him for plot reasons.)

Ah, no. Three clones down. Dammit Nahdar. I don't want to think he's that callous towards the clones, I think he's just too pissed at Greivous and wants to take him down to the point that it's blinding him. Which isn't an excuse, and is a bad sign. I do like how Kit doesn't overtly chide him, but gives him a look and redirects their focus to where it should be: helping people, in this case tending to the wounded. And, judging by the way Nahdar is kneeling by the one downed clone and touching their shoulder, he does seem upset by their loss. Again, not an excuse for his words, but perhaps a sign that he does care for the clones. (And I can't help seeing how his allowing his emotions to cloud his judgement will lead to his doom.)

No! Niner and Bell! And the other clone whose name we didn't get the chance to know!

I did appreciate seeing how intent Nahdar and Kit were to save the Commander (Fil? I think I've seen people call him that?)

Also enjoying the parallels between Greivous and Vader.

And then there were two. It may be just me, but I got a lot out of the conversation with Nahdar and Kit after the Commanders death. Both feel pain over it and the other deaths, but Nahdar is getting caught up in it and wants revenge. Kit however is still able to keep a cool head and think about their situation and what needs to be done. He also reminds Nahdar of his teachings. Nahdar's response does demonstrate how the jedi are being negatively affected by the war. It's interesting.

And here it is. Nahdar acts rashly, forgetting to be mindful (also forgetting that they failed to take Greivious out when there were 2 jedi and five clones) and is killed. Poor Nahdar. Poor Kit. Fuck Greivous.

And once again, we got a jedi calling someone out in the best way. Jedi, masters of throwing shade.

And that last conversation sums up what I was trying to say. Nahdar having his heart in the right place, but putting too much emphasis on power and strength (which in some ways made him more like Greivous than a jedi). Yoda's comment about losing themselves.

Are all these episodes going to end in a bittersweet way?